


Samus Gets Funky

by DraceDomino



Category: Donkey Kong (Video Games), Metroid Series
Genre: Apes & Monkeys, Comedy, F/M, Humor, Romance, Rough Sex, Vaginal Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-19
Updated: 2018-12-19
Packaged: 2019-09-22 14:20:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17061371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DraceDomino/pseuds/DraceDomino
Summary: It's been two months since Samus' ship crash landed on a strange planet. She hasn't gotten her ship working again yet, but that's okay - she's quite happy living in the jungle, lounging in the sun, and having rough nasty sex with her radical surfboarding boyfriend!(Loosely inspired by the Samus' ship Easter egg in DKC: Tropical Freeze!)





	Samus Gets Funky

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoy this silly tale! Make sure to follow me on [Twitter](http://www.twitter.com/DraceTales) if you do!

Samus Gets Funky  
-by Drace Domino

Two months. It had been two months since she crash landed on this strange planet, her ship lodged in a dense canopy and her unconscious body limp in the wreckage. For the first few nights after, there had been nightmares. Memories of how Ridley tore into her ship and disabled the engines, memories of how the vile Space Pirate laughed as every system on board started to fail. Ridley had sent her careening towards that remote jungle planet fully intent on it being the resting place of his greatest nemesis, but he didn’t count on the fact that not everything there was as savage as long range scans might have made it look.

It was briefly after her crash landing, squinting through the concussion and the smoke and flames that licked at her, that she saw her ship’s door start to open from the outside. The sparks, the sirens, the creaking of wood as the branches began to give way underneath her ship’s weight...they just barely failed to drown out the bounty hunter’s voice as she gazed at the shrouded, towering image rapidly approaching her.

“...wh...what...are...you?”

There was no answer that fateful day, at least, not one that she was awake to hear. It was mere seconds after that figure met her side that she lost consciousness, and she didn’t wake up for what had to be at least a full two days later. Outside of a splitting headache and a sore leg, Samus woke up healthy with her Chozo DNA to thank...not to mention the outside source of the mysterious figure that had rescued her.

A mysterious figure she would meet soon after, and one she would come to see as very important to her.

 

Two months. Two months after the crash, Samus was lying about in a hut in the trees, reclining in the embrace of a rope hammock. The bounty hunter looked more relaxed than she ever had in her entire life, and it was a style that she had been deeply enjoying since learning how to pull it off. Stretched back in the hammock, the slender blonde was quite joyfully sunbathing through an open hole in the roof of the hut - letting nearly every inch of her cream-colored flesh bask in the sun that never seemed to be clouded over. A blue two piece bikini had been stitched together from scraps of her old Zero Suit, and her blonde hair had been allowed to grow even longer, kept tethered in a loose ponytail that slipped through the gaps in the hammock. With her arms folded behind her head, her eyes closed, and her body warm, Samus Aran was happy like she had never been before.

All it took was getting out of space. All it took was a nice, quaint planet with no lasers, no Spare Pirates, no Chozo, and of course, no Metroids. Paradise. After all of her long years battling, after all the struggles and the strife and the questionable non-core game, she was finally enjoying a bit of peace and happiness. But best of all...Samus Aran had a boyfriend.

A really cool boyfriend, too! The coolest one on the whole planet she crash landed on! A guy that looked great in shades and jean shorts and a white muscle shirt, a guy that owned his own successful business selling items to the locals, a guy that knew how to surf like nobody else! A guy that was, first and foremost, funky to the absolute max.

And when she heard him coming back to the hut they shared together, Samus sat upright in her hammock and gave a wide, eager grin. There was a certain bounce in her movements - not just in her step but her breasts as well - and she hopped elegantly from the hammock to rush and greet him at the door. By the time it opened she was there to leap into his arms, and her mirthful giggle filled the air as she was caught in the powerful ape grasp of the boy she was crazy about. Her precious, her darling, her husbando Funky Kong.

“Welcome home, baby!” Samus exclaimed in delight, mere seconds before she pressed her mouth hungrily to that of her eminently radical boyfriend. The familiar taste of an ape kiss was enough to send shivers down her spine, and in a fluid motion she stretched her long, bare legs out to wrap them around his waist. She could already feel Funky’s hands moving upon her; one massive palm slipping underneath her perky ass to hold her steady, the other rising up her back and teasing fingers along her spine. He was just as happy to see her as she was to have him back home, and it was apparently in the eager way he allowed his tongue to wrestle with hers in greedy, possessive fashion. As Samus’ ankles linked behind Funky Kong’s back and the ape’s hand tightened against her rump, it was quite clear that his post-work evening would be just like all the others: banging his hot blonde girlfriend, chowing down on a couple of bananas, and getting his primate dick sucked while he relaxed on the beach.

It was just about the most radical, tricked-out life that an ape could want.

“Mmm...I missed you, baby.” Samus purred in the seconds after the kiss, rocking her hips back and forth as she continued clinging to Funky’s waist. She could already feel his stylish jean shorts bulging, that familiar dong pushing against her through the fabric. He was just so damn hung! “How was work? Sell lots of balloons today?”

It was never really entirely clear how much of what Samus said that Funky Kong understood, and similarly, it was hard to tell how many of his grunts and noises Samus was really interpreting correctly. Not that it mattered - there were certain things that were impossible to misunderstand, like a hot blonde bending down to her hands and knees and inviting her stud of a boyfriend to give it to her hard and dirty while a bunch of parrots watched. As Funky Kong carried her right back to the hammock she had been sunbathing on, it was clear that particular afternoon that the parrots would have to jack it to something else. This afternoon, Funky Kong was gonna get romantic while he laid banana into his bounty hunter babe.

Samus had goosebumps by the time Funky laid her back into the hammock, and her legs finally began to unwrap from his waist as he loomed over her. It didn’t take long for the horny ape to press his mouth against her throat, kissing familiar flesh and allowing the hot, steamy breath of the powerful primate to cascade across her skin. Naturally, Samus found herself almost immeasurably wet from the contact, and her thighs spread as wide as she could with her hips slowly rotating forward. Humping against her ape lover’s lap, each press of that throbbing bulge to her own moist yet covered slit was enough to drive her wild, and she dug her fingers deep against Funky’s fur. Writhing, wiggling, intensely horny...it was her natural state when in his presence, and she just couldn’t wait to unleash the beast from his jean shorts and guide him inside of her once more.

“F...Fuck me, Funky…” Samus hissed through her teeth, her head pressing firm against the hammock as she arched herself forward. As Funky moved a powerful palm up to pull away her Zero Suit bikini top those flawless and perky breasts bounced firmly into his hand, and the ape mitt was easily able to fondle them both in the same wide grip. Samus’ breath caught in her throat and a shockwave of pleasure teased her from head to toe, enough that her voice croaked out again in a desperate bid for delicious ape dong. “Fuck...the things you do to me...never been so excited…”

Samus was not a sheltered woman. She had fought Space Pirates, Metroids, alien beasts of all shapes and sizes...and she’d escaped from exploding planets and space stations more times than she could remember. And yet, nothing made her skin crawl in a sensitive bliss quite like the prospect of getting fucked by her boyfriend. Nothing gave her goosebumps and butterflies and tingling pleasures right down to her Chozo DNA like knowing that she was about to get fucked raw and wet by the coolest ape around. And if she was lucky, he’d keep his shades on while he did it! That always made it extra spicy.

When Funky Kong peeled away Samus’ Zero Suit bikini bottoms, the bounty hunter was already soaked to the core. In return and with a bright smile playing on her pretty features, her hands lowered to the ape’s shorts and she eagerly started the slow process of unzipping him. As she did so, Funky Kong looked up from kissing her throat so he could give the woman a wide grin, her image reflected in the dark tint of his shades. With the two lovers fondly looking at each other, Samus’ emotions finally bubbled over, and her voice filled the hut with a quivering wave of emotion riding through it. Words of love and tender passion, words that every woman yearned to say to the man that held her heart.

“Jam this big old ape dick in me, Funky Kong!”

Her words came just as she finished unzipping his jean shorts, and his throbbing length popped out to slap across her lap. From that position it was clear to Samus just how large he was compared to her, and the sculpt of his prick nearly reached her belly button as it laid atop her lap. It always felt even bigger once it was inside, and Samus was purring in lusty delight as she grasped him by the base and guided him towards her tender entrance, heart racing all the way.

Funky Kong gave a wild grunt and brought his powerful hands down upon his lover’s shoulders, holding her with a fierce grip as his first thrust sent his massive member halfway inside of her. Samus Aran’s cry of lust filled the hut and even the jungle beyond as it did almost every day around the same time, and it was sure to keep going well into the night. The ape’s enormous length was a tight fit even for other natives of their little jungle planet, but stuffed within Samus’ slender body it was almost achingly hard to inch forward. Every tiny bit he was able to stuff came at a small struggle on both their parts, and Samus found herself relying on her Chozo DNA in order to handle it. Inch by inch Funky Kong jammed himself within her, and the further he got the wider the bounty hunter stretched her legs so she could wrap them once more around his waist.

Soon, he was hilted within her, and the blonde was breathing heavy and clinging fiercely to him. One hand was grasping a fistful of fur while the other held one of the sleeves of his muscle shirt, fingers white-knuckled and hands trembling where they rested. The bounty hunter’s belly was noticeably bulging from the shape and size of that enormous funky dong, and when she gazed up at her love once more she was practically hissing through clenched teeth, doing her best to keep her wits about her.

“D...Don’t stop...fucking me, baby…” She whimpered, and managed to hook her heels behind the ape’s back once more. When one of her trembling hands left Funky’s fur she guided it down towards the bulge of her belly, and she gently rubbed it back and forth to sweetly pet her boyfriend’s dick through the fabric of her flesh. “Even if I pass out this time...just...keep fucking me…”

“Whoooo oooo!” Funky Kong’s grunting howl filled the hut, and the mighty yet radical ape tightened his grasp against the blonde’s shoulders as he started to fuck. There wasn’t much subtlety to the lovemaking between Samus and her boyfriend - neither of them much had the head for sentiment and sweetness, at least not when they were horny. With wild passion and reckless motions Funky Kong began to plow his blonde girlfriend with every bit of strength he could muster, pulling his hips back only to lunge deeply down to the hilt once more, each thrust making Samus’ belly bulge from the impact. Her wet nethers formed a wildly tight seal around his throbbing length and the bounty hunter’s legs tightened as much as she could muster, her head instantly rolling back and her screams of delight roaring from her one after the other.

Even though she was filled with buckets of that sweet sweet Chozo DNA, Samus Aran was left overwhelmed by the righteous awesomeness of Funky Kong’s big ape dick. Her head snapped back to the hammock and her eyes rolled back as she unleashed a torrent of cries of pleasure, her nipples stiff, her muscles tight, and her entire body convulsing in pleasure. When Samus got fucked by her boyfriend it wasn’t accurate to say she had frequent orgasms - it was closer to describe it as one long one that never really ended. There were no peaks or valleys, just peaks that kept lifting her up and up and up until she just sort of blacked out. At least, that was true across every time they had fucked so far...and they had fucked a lot.

To be honest, it was a bit of a problem. All the noise was really throwing off the nocturnal animals and fucking with the jungle food chain. Not that it mattered to the coolest member of the DK Crew and his bombshell blonde babe.

Sex between the two didn’t stay in the hammock for long - Samus’ writhing and twitching body was soon dangling in the air as Funky Kong grasped some of the ceiling’s rafters with his feet. Dangling upside down, he was still easily strong enough to keep the comparatively light Samus attached around his waist as he fucked her, keeping her in an upside-down missionary position so he could keep his eyes locked on hers through only the tint of his shades. The entire time Funky Kong wore a wide and confident grin, and the entire time Samus was little more than a screaming, spasming mess of pleasure as she was used as an awesome ape cocksleeve.

Positions changed quite a bit in their hut when the time for lovemaking arrived, and that afternoon was no different. Something as simple as Funky Kong holding the rafters with his hands instead of his feet was enough to send Samus twirling around in the air into a new position, her slender finger dangling far above the ground and limp to the motions of her lover’s thrusts. The only constant was that Funky Kong remained lodged deep within her upon every passing second, no matter if he was fucking her mid-air doggy style, on the ground in a mating press, or full-nelson plowing her upside-down while he held to the rafters with a single foot.

Funky Kong’s fuck game, just like his fashion game, was as good as it gets. He was easily the best lover that Samus Aran ever had, even way better than Ridley. And unlike her Space Pirate ex, there was no crying after sex and no talking about his mother.

The lovemaking between the two continued well into the evening, and though Samus Aran was filled with her ape lover’s cum countless times throughout the night, she would wake up only having a clear and lucid memory of the first time. It was during the upside-down full-nelson fuck, when her body was bent forward in a wild angle and her bulging stomach was fucked out so far that she could kiss it from the awkward position. As Funky plowed his screaming babe the ape’s peak finally struck him, and Samus’s eyes went vacant and her mouth agape as she felt that warm rush of hot ape cum within her. Loads upon loads of fresh funky spunk painted within her, swirling about her nethers and flooding her walls, sending her into a squirting orgasm that only managed to plaster her own pretty face. In the few seconds after before Funky started again, Samus was little more than a limp hanging doll in the full-nelson hold, hanging upside-down, her own juices dribbling across her face. Staring ahead and breathing in staggered gasps, twitching, spasming, and utterly detached from reality.

Samus Aran, ape dick aficionado.

By the time Samus woke up some time later, she found herself naked atop her sleeping boyfriend back in the hammock she had started her day in. Funky was nearly naked save for his bandanna and shades, and his shirt and jean shorts were all the way on the floor draped over her discarded Varia Suit. The soreness that ran through every inch of Samus’ body was an immediate sign that Funky Kong had done exactly as she told him to - he had kept fucking her even after she lost consciousness, kept using his hot piece of bounty hunter pussy until his big ape balls were fully drained. With a sweet smile, the sore Samus gazed up at her boyfriend while he slept and ran fingers through the top fur on his head, smiling sweetly to herself. How could a girl get so lucky…? Her boyfriend was just so...so...righteous.

The bounty hunter leaned forward to press a tiny kiss to Funky Kong’s chin, and in doing so she moved just enough to feel some of his cum run from her nethers. A shockwave of bliss ran across her as she realized just how raw her boyfriend had fucked her, and just how much sticky cream he had pumped deep within her. It was a pleasing sensation to say the least, and it was enough for Samus to gaze down across his body and that prick sticking straight up from his lap - that tempting, still-hard ape cock that deserved even more attention.

“...love you so much, baby…” Samus whispered, and began lowering her head to Funky Kong’s lap. Just another jungle blowjob in the middle of the night, one that would no doubt keep half the place awake from the subsequent screams and howls.

Just one more banana slammer for the galaxy’s best bounty hunter.

The End.


End file.
